Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize