One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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