Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
