I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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