I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
