I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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