I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hippo gnu deer
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
