Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
