Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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