I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
