The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
