i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I could fuck to npr.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
