I hate your face
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
