Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
