last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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