Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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