Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
