Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
