I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
