This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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