And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
