But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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