So drunk, too bad you don't want this
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
