SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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