just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
