he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
