We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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