I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
