Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's official drugs can't kill me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize