Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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