Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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