sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
