I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
