You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
