do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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