4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
