Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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