No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
