We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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