I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize