you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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