hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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