Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
