guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
