At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
