Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
