Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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