Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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