just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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