Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
