everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
