I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
