Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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