Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
