oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
