I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
