Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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