Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
