This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
