Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
