Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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